How to identify what you can control and what to let go

If you knew what could make you happy

If you knew specifically what would make you a happy person, you might try to find out what to do next. Some options for action you can control. Some you cannot.

Defining the difference between two words helps to clarify meanings. Joy is not the same as happiness since happiness tends to be temporary. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit, expressed in Galatians 5:22.

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace [relationship to God];

patience, kindness, goodness [relationship to others];

faithfulness, gentleness, self-control [relationship to self].

Galatians 5:20-21

Walter goes deeper into Self-Control in his recent article on New Creation publication.

You can be joyful anytime by acknowledging that you cannot control everything. Instead, the joyful spirit comes from being led by the Holy Spirit, surrendering to His leading. God chose you. You are chosen. His righteousness clothes you to put off the old and put on the new way of life, taking up your cross and following Jesus.

Walking your talk does not mean trying harder. “Walking your talk” means surrendering moment by moment to God’s way, God’s Word, God’s will.

Happiness depends on what you can and cannot control

Some circumstances you can control. Some you cannot. You can control what you eat, even when you feel pressured to clean or plate or to please the host by a second helping of calories you don’t need or want. It’s ok to say no to others.

You can control your response.

You cannot control the weather when it rains or when the sun shines. You can accept the rain and not complain. You can accept the warmth of the sun to sweat out the toxins and be grateful for the humidity that makes the corn and the grass grow! “In everything give thanks” (1 Thessalonians 5:18), not necessarily for everything.

3 factors of happiness

1. Circumstances are 10% of what comprises happiness. That is often temporary. You get something new. You go somewhere you want. You are with someone you enjoy. You have partial control over that kind of happiness. For me, I like dogs — most dogs. They smile. They wag their tails. They jump sometimes when they see you. That’s circumstantial happiness.
2. Your personality with your unique biochemistry makes up about 50% of why you can be happy or not. Maybe you are born with as a sanguine, happy-go-lucky, go-with-the-flow mindset from the beginning. On the other hand, you might have been born with a more melancholic personality that tends towards sadness. Winnie the Pooh characters reflect those styles and states of mind. You have partial control over that kind of happiness, too. Most of your personality and biochemistry is not in your control. You were born with it, but that does not mean you have to remain at one extreme or the other. Behavior modification is possible to a certain extent.
3. Lifestyle practices are the last 40% that you have complete control over. Happiness studies over decades of significant research verify this one. Investing in yourself is essential, according to Dr. Henry Cloud.

“Well-being is not only under your control, but it’s a collection of basically what I’m going to call life practices, which consists of your thinking patterns, your relationships, how you look at certain kinds of spiritual realities — things like gratitude and forgiveness and a whole bunch of stuff.”

Dr. Henry Cloud

Identifying what you can control and what to let go

Am I happy or not now? I like to write, and so I think I am more happy when I am writing than at other times. However, I am continuing to be content in all circumstances — even other stuff I do not like to do — learning to be at peace with who I am, and practicing healthy boundaries that increase my happiness factors.

1 Thessalonians 5:16–18 | In Everything Give Thanks

May your mind be drawn continually to the character of our God.

May you rejoice always
by remembering that the God who goes with you
is the same God who formed the world,
who made the sun rise this morning,
and who sent His Son to give you new life.

May you pray without ceasing,
remembering that Jesus not only
thanked His Father for daily bread,
but He also spent His darkest night
praying and looking to Him alone.

May you give thanks in all circumstances
by remembering the things that we know by faith are unchanging — –
namely, that the love of God endures forever
and nothing can separate you
from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

“May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift up His countenance to you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26